A tribute to my grandparents

Running the London Marathon for Age UK last October was one of the best days of my life.

I started running in lockdown when the gyms closed and I hadn’t run more than a kilometre before 2020, so it had been quite a journey. My grandad, (Poppa to me, Ron to others), had witnessed my progress every step of the way. So even though he’d never done any exercise in his life, and he absolutely hated the prospect of being in London on a busy day, my grandad wasn’t going to miss the opportunity to cheer me on.

I knew that he and my uncle were going to be waiting for me on Tower Bridge, and as soon as I rounded the corner I was looking out for them. It was packed with people, and the atmosphere was amazing. But then I spotted my uncle and grandad – they’d managed to get a place at the front of the crowd. My grandad stood there watching me, crying. He got so emotional in his old age, and I could tell how proud of me he was in that moment. Then just afterwards, I ran past the team at the Age UK cheering point, which spurred me on too.

Those two or three minutes were the highlight of a very special day. And since my grandad died at the beginning of this year, it’s become an even more precious memory.

A new start

A big reason for running the marathon in aid of Age UK was because I wanted to give back to a charity that supports older people, and especially those who don’t have friends or family to share things with. I’m lucky enough to have had both my grandad and my nan in my life, and I was around them so much as a child. I never knew my father, and I didn’t see eye-to-eye with my mother, but I always had a place to stay at Nanny and Poppa’s.

When I was around 13 years old, challenges at home reached a tipping point and I decided to move in with my grandparents permanently. It was a difficult time, but I knew that if I wanted to succeed in life and become a person I could one day be proud of, I needed to be with my nan and grandad. They raised me – and they did so extremely well. Without my grandparents, I wouldn’t be a quarter of the person I am today.

My nan and grandad were early risers, had incredible manners, and taught me right from wrong. I learned so much from them. And as I got older, I felt like I could take the best bits of what they’d taught me and share things about my world in return. Some of my fondest memories with my nan are of her sitting in my room playing solitaire on the computer while I played on the PlayStation, as we both listened to my favourite rock band!

Family dynamics

I was always a nanny’s boy. When I moved in with my grandparents my grandad was still working but my nan was retired, so even though the three of us would do things together, it was my nan and I who were around each other the most – especially during school holidays.

My grandparents were married for over 40 years and had quite a typical relationship for their generation. My nan would cook all the meals, and then my grandad would pour salt all over her hard work! They would playfully bicker and wind each other up all the time – it was very much their love language. They were fantastic together.

But life changed for my grandad when my nan passed away. I was preparing for my A-Levels and applying for university when she got ill, and it quickly became clear that she wasn’t going to get better. My grandad didn’t want to believe it. After my nan died, the first couple of years were extremely hard on him. Within the space of a few months, the two people he lived with were gone: he’d lost my nan, and I left for university.

My nan had been the focal point of our household, and now my grandad needed to learn how to cook, clean and look after himself. But he did it. He made sure he got out and about too – Poppa loved people and used to enjoy sitting on the beachfront near where he lived and chatting to everyone who walked by. Most people in the area knew Ron, ‘the man on the bench’.

Role models

I see my relationship with my grandad in two stages: before and after my nan passed away. We grew closer from about two to three years after we lost her, and over the last ten years Poppa was there for me through lots of the milestones of growing older – from going off to university, then getting my first job, to meeting my fiancée and becoming the man I am now. At different times in my life, he’s felt like a grandfather, father, brother, and best friend. I may have never had a relationship with my dad, but I had my grandad.

So when Poppa died suddenly at the start of the year, it really upset me. It felt very different to when I lost my nan. Over the last year he’d been trying to improve his lifestyle because he wanted to live as long as he could, and his death felt like a shock. But I’ve taken comfort in the idea that Nanny would have been so proud of how he coped without her, and how the two of us became so close.

I’m getting married in December, a year to the day after the last time I saw my grandad. It feels very fitting, because I know that Nanny and Poppa will both feature heavily in my wedding speech. I also hope to carry forward the lessons from their happy marriage into my own – from talking about everything with your partner, to not being afraid to bicker! It’s going to be another very special day.